I don't remember what you know about the neighbors. No, not Scott (neurotic man) but the new neighbors. Well, they moved in probably six weeks ago, bringing their super-social 8 year old boy Elijah. He's a very sweet kid but oh. my. gosh. he is beginning to get under my skin.
Now anyone who knows me knows I am a kid person. I love kids. I generally like them better than the adults. And of course, upon meeting Elijah, I thought he was delightful. Super chatty. Wanted to know all about the dogs. Why Suzie likes kids. Why Maggie doesn't. Why Suzie catches balls. Why Maggie doesn't. etc. I met his parents over the back fence while Elijah was talking my ear off. Mom: "He'll talk your ear off." Anyway, they seem like nice people. Mom cleans houses for a living. They have a cat (No Elijah, I don't have a cat.) Dad is a do-er and warned me that he'll probably mow my front yard sometimes, if that's okay. (The dogs usually just play in the yard when I mow the grass Elijah). So yeah, that's about all I know. Right, five minutes over the fence and regular waves from the car. Oh and dad smokes and grills in the carport, staring in my kitchen window, which is a little odd. Fine, but startling when you look out at dusk and realize your kitchen is the entertainment for time being. Odd.
About a month ago, I had the nieces and nephews for a visit (5 kids for the day) and Elijah was over for a good 7 hours straight. I made him check with his parents before coming over to the backyard and again when we moved the game inside. I declined his self-invitation to stay for dinner. It was strange to me that though the parents barely know me, they never checked in on him once. (Yes, apparently I will be a neurotic mom someday). They didn't peek over the back fence and call out a greeting or ask how it was going, and they seemed perfectly comfortable letting him play in my house for 2 hours (or longer if I hadn't sent him home.) And while I don't think I give off any sort of major creeper vibe... they don't know me!! No matter how many kids I had visiting that day!
Since then, he has come over fairly regularly to ask if the dogs can play. The problem is that I usually don't have time to supervise and I don't really trust Maggie alone with an unpredictable new kid. So sometimes I will let him kick the ball for Suze, but usually she just wants to come inside if I'm not out with her. Sigh. He told me a couple weeks back that "My dad said I'm not allowed to ask to come to people's houses. I have to wait to be invited." I smiled and said, "Oh, that's nice" but didn't invite him over since I was heading out shortly.
This Saturday was the day Elijah blew through my goodwill. I was trying to get stuff done- desperately- when the doorbell rang the first time, I had seen him cutting across the yard but was heading downstairs to do laundry, so I ignored it (even though he rang it a dozen times in a row). I was still downstairs working half an hour later when the doorbell started ringing over and over, again. Grrr. I ignored it again. All told, he came by 6 times while I was trying to get stuff done. I wasn't up for supervising so I continued to say no, the dogs weren't available to play and neither was I. 6 times!! Next time I will tell him to come back another day.
A friend joined me late afternoon and we headed out for awhile, and my unsuspecting, tired homie came home after work. The doorbell rang. Could the dogs play? She was too tired to fight it. Next thing she knew, he'd invited himself in and had toys out. And suddenly she found her tired self babysitting the neighbor's kid against her will. Sigh. When I got home she had an twinge of tired desperation in her voice "He won't go home!" I sent him home moments later, though of course, he was back half an hour later (in the middle of our dinner) and I had to send him away for the eighth time that day.
The next day, we let the dogs out, to find that someone had left our gate open (this is probably the 5th or 6th time this has happened since they moved in-despite my continual warnings to Elijah). Arrrggghhhh. Luckily the dogs don't run away, they just run around and then end up on the front porch. But they could get hit by a car. Or freak out the other neighbors. Or eat the cat we all hate that lives across the street. CLOSE THE GATE. Better yet, don't open it if I'm not standing with you.
So in my head I've been trying to figure out how to have this conversation with his parents without being unkind. It isn't that I dislike the kid, but I certainly can't / won't entertain him. Nor do I hope to have my doorbell ring 8 times in one day. And the gate! Good Lord the gate. We have got to have that gate closed. Think about the cat! The cars! The gate!
This morning I was running later than usual for work and the neighbor flagged me down. "I hope it's okay, but they are doing leaf pick up today so I'm going to finish raking your leaves! You know me, once I get going I like to just go!" Me: "Oh thank you." In head: "Argh!!" How does a person lay the smack down about a person's overly intrusive kid when the guy has now mowed the grass and raked the leaves.
And then tonight the second I pulled in the driveway he was over again, he'd signed for a UPS package for me. I think I may be stuck...
My life is awkward... Help?
4 comments:
Oh dear. The fact that the grown-up neighbor is doing random acts of kindness for you is almost as alarming as the fact that the kid is completely unsupervised! You HAVE to talk to the parents... it doesn't seem to be getting better. We had a set of twins one court down who would invite themselves over, ring the doorbell, stare at me nursing AJ in the sunroom from between the houses. I had the same freaked out concerns about negligent parents. But Tim finally scared them away and they haven't been back in a month or so. I can send him over if you want :) Don't put it off. Your house and yard should be sacred space, and no cute but obnoxious neighbor kid should be able to take that away from you.
You're not stuck. This is about boundaries. The Dad's "help" is thinly disguised irresponsibility and overstepping your boundaries. Allowing the kid to be with you shows they have no boundaries. Pray and then go over and tell both the parents and Elijah that Elijah can only come into your yard when you invite him. Give no reasons or excuses. Stick to it/no exceptions. Also, maybe put a lock on the gate.
Another angle - the parents talked to Elijah about waiting to be invited (so, they are aware he can be annoying). The dad might be awkwardly trying to repay your kindness to Elijah with the (kind, but intrusive) favors. But I would bet they will be grateful if you were to come and talk to them about what you can and cannot do/put up with when it comes to their son, *before* hitting the point of exasperation where it becomes a confrontation about their parenting. Does that make sense?
Essentially, it is an act of charity to let people know where your limits are, so that they know how far your patience goes and can avoid unwittingly straining it. As a socially clueless person I appreciate not having to guess whether or not my behavior is making someone else uncomfortable. :-P
I'd second what Kate said -- I'm sure you can find a polite way to bring it up to his parents. As added motivation to do something about it, who knows what a kid like that could get into while playing unsupervised around your house. Besides not wanting him to get hurt, you don't want to deal with the tension that could cause between you and his parents, nor the potential liability issues.
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