You know you're Type A when...

You grab two clean towels out of the laundry, only to realize that they are both green and they clash. You actually go out of your way to find a purple towel to go with the green towel.

It was a Monk moment... kind of scary... and here I am admitting it on my blog. Worse and worse.

Hanging on to hope

I've been thinking a lot about priorities and life choices and free will and all the minute by minute decisions we make throughout our lives that lead us down one path or another.

There have been many seasons in my life I have had people around me that seem to be wallowing in misery. I know what that's like, I've been there, done that. Could easily be there again right now, in fact, if I let myself. And yet I always come back to the idea that life is too short to waste it being miserable. Not to say that we aren't all going to suffer, in big and small ways. But life is entirely too short to not choose to be happy. It's too short not to look for the things that we can be grateful for, the abundance of blessings poured out.

I certainly know what it is like to pray and pray and pray for something and not see it happen. I know what it's like to feel like your dreams are being pulled out of your grasp. And yet, again and again I come back to needing to hang on to hope. Hope of heaven. Hope that we're here for something bigger than ourselves and our own limited dreams, our own limited understanding. Hope that we have a Father who has us right where we need to be for our sanctification and happiness. Sometimes that hanging on is sort of easy, a loose grip on something, and other days I feel like I am hanging on white-knuckled for dear life, hoping for relief before I can't hang on any more.

I think about John 6:67-68: "So Jesus said to the twelve, "You do not want to go away also, do you?" Simon Peter answered Him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have words of eternal life."

Lord, may we cling to the words of eternal life. May we cling to you in the midst of the storm. May we always hang on to hope in Your great love and accept the joy and peace that passes all the circumstances.

"The dream that you wish will come truuueeeee"

Eighteen years ago today my life changed forever. This little bundle of gorgeousness entered my life, an answer to years and years and years of prayer ...

(Okay she wasn't actually born holding a hairbrush). It's true she wasn't the twin sisters I had specifically requested... she was the little sister I'd been hoping for while getting 6 other little brothers... and I wouldn't trade her for the world. It is hard to believe 18 years have gone by so fast. And it's hard to believe the amazing, talented, funny, artistic, faithful and passionate young lady that stands before us now, no less an answer to prayer than she was those 18 years ago.

Happy birthday to a beautiful young lady. I love you!

Another great reason to learn to say no...

Maybe you had last Monday off work, coming home from retreat. And then maybe Tuesday hits with a vengeance. You can't take two days off work without paying for it. Maybe there was interoffice fighting, right in front of you. Maybe it was the week before a big tradeshow. Maybe your job is more than one person can handle. So you work like a fiend all week. Trying to keep things going, moving on track, details, details, details. Maybe you're supposed to go to this meeting at the tradeshow Friday for everyone to touch base and make sure it's all set, and then you're going to go work from home for the rest of the afternoon to do prep for a big issue / meeting on Monday afternoon. Instead stuff at the show isn't set, isn't ready, and instead you spend the whole afternoon there, working, doing what needs to be done now.

Then you work the show most of the day on Saturday (longer than you should have, in fact). Exhausting but good. You finally leave, you've got one hour before dinner plans. So rather than attacking the large and time consuming project you were going to do Friday afternoon... and then Saturday afternoon... you clean the leaves out of the flower bed in front and prune the rosebush. It only seems right. You then take the evening off.

Sunday hits with a vengeance. The weekend is nearly over and it hasn't really begun. Work work work. You wake up dreaming about it. You go to Mass, relax for a few minutes (by which I mean enter "the zone" where you morph into some altered state of being totally devoid of thought, purpose, or ability to move). And then you have to run out for an afternoon meeting for this ordination celebration stuff... the stuff you absolutely want to get behind and support, but you are simply too tired, too busy, too overworked. You should have said no to begin with. Why on earth are you going to this meeting???

NO11 Fail. Learn to say NO already.

Guess what I found???

Yeah, practically peeing my pants in excitement over here... SPRING!!!!

Words can't express it

It is always SO difficult to put into words what happens on a silent retreat. People ask "How was it? What did you do?" And I never know what to say. It was great, always is. What did I do? Maybe the right question is, "What didn't you do?"
I didn't think about work, dream about work. Or work.
I didn't talk (well except those two little exceptions).
I didn't run around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to accomplish things.
I didn't drive anywhere.
I didn't listen to music, the news, the phone ringing, the tv blaring.
I didn't cook, clean, repair.
I didn't.

I didn't do any of my normal things. I was. I sat. I slept. I prayed. I chanted the psalms with the monks. I meditated. I visited spring in KY. I hiked in the woods and pondered the beauty around me. I asked God a lot of questions that He didn't necessarily answer. I sat at His feet. I waited.

It was great. If a silent retreat isn't part of your life, it should be. It is truly an amazing time of grace. And if you're within 6-8 hours of it, I highly recommend the Abbey of Gethsemani. Otherwise, find somewhere closer to you... just do it!! Even if it is just a day.

I should also mention how FABULOUS it is to visit spring that isa month ahead of our own spring. It is sooooo refreshing. The daffodils were blooming and it was sunny and warm and altogether wonderful.

This year was no different -- I leave inspired to take time for more silence in my every day life. I don't exactly know how to make it happen, I just know I should make it happen. And I'm already counting the days to next year's retreat...